Photo: Andrew Kitchen

I have to confess a defensiveness toward all upbeat pithy spiritual admonitions. Like, “In this moment, you have everything you need.” Or “You are right where you’re supposed to be.” I mention this because these are probably the two concepts I need to grasp most, but for whatever reason find myself fighting.

“In this moment you have everything you need”

My first argument to this is, “Well maybe I do and maybe I don’t. Who are you to tell me?” It doesn’t look like I have everything I need. As a matter of fact it looks like just the opposite. It looks like there’s gaping holes in the boat and unless they get patched pretty soon, the ship’s goin’ down.

After catching my breath and thinking about it though, the pithy ones may have a point. What I actually need to get through this time is probably more available than I think. So the problem must lie with my expectations of what I’m supposed to have in this moment.

I wonder why?

About 3 months ago, I injured my shoulder lifting a ladder. It proceeded to get worse so I saw a doctor and eventually signed up for physical therapy. After a month of it, another month has been prescribed. But halfway into the process, I’m not so sure I’ll get the full recovery I was looking for. All of a sudden fear grips my body, much like the sound of a mac truck slamming on its brakes 5 feet away. Not only will I lose my ability to make a living with my shoulder, I’ll lose my recreation (golf) that provides my sanity! Quick, what should I do? Panic!

But then there’s a good day in physical therapy and things look a little better.

So the spiritual question is, why all the panic? Why do I go there so easily? As a kid, there were no spiritual answers, only ego choices. My personal choice was to wait out all the abandonment and injustice as a kid, knowing that one day, I would take what was rightfully mine. I would go out and conquer the world and right all the wrongs that were done to me.

But of course if you do grow up (which not everyone does), you come to find out that adulthood is more about letting go and contributing where you can than any sort of playing field where you even up the score. Problem is I’m hard wired to even up the score and get something, which then facilitates the scenario for panic to set in.

The beauty of the way God set up the universe in my opinion, is that things happen to let you know, “You can’t go on living like this.” An injury, divorce, sickness, job loss . . . often they’re not coincidences, but stop signs telling us to go in another direction, one that’s truer, that serves us more fully. My shoulder injury definitely forces me to look at my thoughts of invincibility and illusions of getting what I want in my time. Now I’m forced to let go a little more. (as a caveat to this, I’m not sure why nothing happened to Dick Cheney to stop him . . . or maybe it did and his will is strong enough to temporarily push through it . . . either way I’m going to have a talk with God about this discrepancy when I die.)

So I’m guessing the best way to look at these pithy spiritual sayings is as a barometer. I don’t necessarily have to buy them lock stock and barrel. I can meditate on them and when resistance appears, I can look at that and maybe see the blocks inside that are keeping me from peace and sanity.

I leave you with one last admonition, but I don’t recommend meditating on it.

Don’t sweat the petty things and don’t pet the sweaty things.

On June 24, 2009 Governor Mark Sanford (R SC) gave a press conference detailing his apologies for an affair he had with his Argentine mistress. After apologizing to everyone he affected, he thanked his friend Cubby Culbertson, whom he calls a “spiritual giant” for his advice and counseling to guide him through the rough times. Here’s an excerpt:

“But what I would say is I’m committed to trying to get my heart right, because the one thing that Cubby and all the others have told me, is that the odyssey that we’re all on in life is with regard to heart. Not what I want or what you want, but, in other words, indeed, this larger notion of truly trying to put other people first. And I suspect, if I’d really put this other person first, I wouldn’t have jeopardized her life, as I have. I certainly wouldn’t have done it to my wife. I wouldn’t have done it to my boys. I wouldn’t have done it to the Tom Davis’ of the world. This was selfishness on my part. And for that, I’m most apologetic.”

What struck me was his take on his mistakes made . . . that he didn’t “put others first.” This seems to be some American interpretation of Christianity gone horribly wrong. It also appeals to the misconception that the “self” is something dangerous that needs to be steered away from as if being selfless was the answer. I feel for the guy because in many ways I went through the same brainwashing as a fundamentalist youth. But what’s shocking in my mind is that putting others first and neglecting his own needs is what got him in trouble in the first place. What do you think? Here’s the problem:

1. It’s dishonest. Really . . . who can put others first anyway? I appreciate the grandiose sentiment, but c’mon.

2. It doesn’t work. If we do put others first then we’re denying too much of ourselves. Carl Jung (my idea of a “spiritual giant”) would say Sanford needs to own the shadow side of himself and become whole. By becoming whole it would reduce his need for another person to be the other half of himself.

3. It’s bad exegesis. Jesus is the one who said, “Love your neighbor as yourself,” presuming that you take care of your own needs first. Yes, I’m aware that the Apostle Paul said some things to the churches that were just starting up, but I’m not sure he’s the guy to lean on too strongly in psychological matters. (Philippians 2:3 . . . “let each esteem others better than himself.”)

4. It goes against the ENTIRE airline industry. We are told to put the oxygen mask on ourselves first if the plane goes down before applying the oxygen mask to our children. (ok, I might be exaggerating a little on this one . . . but doesn’t the analogy apply???)

I don’t mean to kick a man when he’s down, but it’s useful to look at  these fundamentalist politicians with their sexual mishaps. When things get hot, the truth comes out about the soundness of their belief system and sex seems to be the first place it reveals itself.

It may also seem that I’m advocating selfishness and self-centeredness as a truer spiritual path. And a number of Christians preach “abandon your self.” But a better interpretation of any spiritual writing defines the “self” to abandon, as the “ego” rather than the soul that needs care. And personally, the big irony is that by taking care of myself first, I have far more to give than I ever did in my fundamentalist days. So I still think this putting others first thing has got to be called for what it is . . . pathology. It has nothing to do with a true spiritual path.