Put Others First???
On June 24, 2009 Governor Mark Sanford (R SC) gave a press conference detailing his apologies for an affair he had with his Argentine mistress. After apologizing to everyone he affected, he thanked his friend Cubby Culbertson, whom he calls a “spiritual giant” for his advice and counseling to guide him through the rough times. Here’s an excerpt:
“But what I would say is I’m committed to trying to get my heart right, because the one thing that Cubby and all the others have told me, is that the odyssey that we’re all on in life is with regard to heart. Not what I want or what you want, but, in other words, indeed, this larger notion of truly trying to put other people first. And I suspect, if I’d really put this other person first, I wouldn’t have jeopardized her life, as I have. I certainly wouldn’t have done it to my wife. I wouldn’t have done it to my boys. I wouldn’t have done it to the Tom Davis’ of the world. This was selfishness on my part. And for that, I’m most apologetic.”
What struck me was his take on his mistakes made . . . that he didn’t “put others first.” This seems to be some American interpretation of Christianity gone horribly wrong. It also appeals to the misconception that the “self” is something dangerous that needs to be steered away from as if being selfless was the answer. I feel for the guy because in many ways I went through the same brainwashing as a fundamentalist youth. But what’s shocking in my mind is that putting others first and neglecting his own needs is what got him in trouble in the first place. What do you think? Here’s the problem:
1. It’s dishonest. Really . . . who can put others first anyway? I appreciate the grandiose sentiment, but c’mon.
2. It doesn’t work. If we do put others first then we’re denying too much of ourselves. Carl Jung (my idea of a “spiritual giant”) would say Sanford needs to own the shadow side of himself and become whole. By becoming whole it would reduce his need for another person to be the other half of himself.
3. It’s bad exegesis. Jesus is the one who said, “Love your neighbor as yourself,” presuming that you take care of your own needs first. Yes, I’m aware that the Apostle Paul said some things to the churches that were just starting up, but I’m not sure he’s the guy to lean on too strongly in psychological matters. (Philippians 2:3 . . . “let each esteem others better than himself.”)
4. It goes against the ENTIRE airline industry. We are told to put the oxygen mask on ourselves first if the plane goes down before applying the oxygen mask to our children. (ok, I might be exaggerating a little on this one . . . but doesn’t the analogy apply???)
I don’t mean to kick a man when he’s down, but it’s useful to look at these fundamentalist politicians with their sexual mishaps. When things get hot, the truth comes out about the soundness of their belief system and sex seems to be the first place it reveals itself.
It may also seem that I’m advocating selfishness and self-centeredness as a truer spiritual path. And a number of Christians preach “abandon your self.” But a better interpretation of any spiritual writing defines the “self” to abandon, as the “ego” rather than the soul that needs care. And personally, the big irony is that by taking care of myself first, I have far more to give than I ever did in my fundamentalist days. So I still think this putting others first thing has got to be called for what it is . . . pathology. It has nothing to do with a true spiritual path.
